i am the lasht one!

soo... lets just ignore the fact that im home alone and its been stormy outside all night and talk about the fun time i had tonite. after a night of closing by myself Jeff met me at work and we booked it out of the city. we went to the okotoks fas gas. heh, thats wasnt our planned destination. no we did not purchase gas. apparently thats where all the cool cats from o town go to hang out though, lame. then Jeff and I played the left or right game, and we ended up going down this really creepy dirt road. after figuring out where we were we decided (and by that i mean i did0) that we should go to high river. on our way there though, we came acrossed tongue creek road... you assume correctly that i went down that road. it was actually quite nice. we stopped, hit our heads on glass windows and shouted SATELLITE. well, i mostly did. Jaryd 5, Jeff waa waa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. : P final score, Jaryd 6, Jeff not waa waa... HA. after sufficiently being creeped out we hoped in the car without being murdered on the back roads of AB and headed for high river. whilst there Jaryd got lost. so we of course stoped at the fas gas there to ask directions back to highway number 2. we did not get gas at this fas gas either... so were driving and we get into town and what happens? LOW FUEL. heh. tis funny. so then i had to find a gas station... it wasnt a fas gas. i had an awesome time. now i am sleepy.
You, if there is a problem with the meeting up with you at 10 o'clockness call me tomorrow, if not, PARTAY!
goodnight everyone...

ttfn, Jiggy

if i lose it all, they'll be nothing left to lose

i had this amazing day today... so amazing...

1. my mom woke me up early and tossed an envelope on my bed, it was my diploma mark for english and i got 85%, then i went back to sleep.

2. My manager called just after i woke up at one and asked if i could come into work to talk about the position i applied for. in short, i got me a shiny promotion!

3. i came home and told Jolene about both peices of good news and then she told me that i was getting a new car. a shiny gold fully loaded 1997 thunderbird. im gonna play the beach boys all the time in it... heh.

4. got the see a movie for free. fun times.

5. It rained today!

ttfn, Jiggy

caught between low and whoa...

today... hmm.... today. i worked from 9-620 ish... i didnt get a real break and i closed the store by myself for the first time. *sigh* please dont comment on that... i promise not to stay there forever. since ive been home, ive been listening to music and packing. ive decided to pack up everything that i love but dont have room for, every script since grade 10, posters from plays, programs, opening night cards, the dolls i used to like collecting, cards that were especially thoughtful or shiny, my baton, a keyboard, a cellphone, a diary, many journals and scrapbooks, and other stupid things that i have kept for too long. *sigh* its sad. especially because i always wanted someone to be there with me. instead i boxed the memories by myself. i threw away more stuff that belonged to Renee (its like she hid it everywhere in my room), not really anything else except papers... in one she wrote "i now know that the only people who matter are Isaac, me and Joshy"... whatever. not like that wasnt apparent. i had an encounter with something in my basement this evening... i kept hearing weeping. i told them that it was ok and not to cry and then it stopped. i felt it pass me too. strange, but it was alright. i didnt freak out. perhaps now is a good time to pack my stuffed animals up. i wish to spend as long as possible working on refreshing my room and its contents tonite. the end.

ttfn, Jaryd

mmmm.... arrowroot!

these are like the best cookies in the world. seriously, they are so yummy, i think i just ate about 15 of them. in a row. oh ya, so yummy. kids get the best things. no wonder adults are so pissy all the time. well, im not pissy all the time, just sometimes. and definately not when i have arrowroot cookies. ok Jaryd, back away from the half eaten box of baby cookies... just one more... im off the the stamps game now and i pray that we win because about an hour ago a woman called me, the convo went something like this:
Me: Hello?
Them: *angry* Is this Jaryd?
M: yes?
T: Is she aware that shes going to get her ass kicked tonite?
(at this point a thought of me being in physical danger floats acrossed my mind while i ponder where ill be tonite that would allow that to potentially happen, then i realize that im going to the stamps game, then i realize that Patti, my manager, will be there, she just happens to be a crazy riders fan) the convo gets less interesting after that point. well, pray with me children!

ttfn, Jaryd

im not aware of how i could possibly love you without aching...

So... a nine hour shift, it wasnt that bad... not really... and now im entering this VIP panel thingy. basically its a trip to montreal but you have to talk about clothes for four hours. im thinking its an alright trade off. it would be awesome to go back to montreal, except this time i would conquer Montreal night life. fun! so yes. tomorrow is the stamps game. if we lose i will hear it from my manager forever. Say it with me sandlot style, FOR.... EV.... ER.... *sigh* umm, ya... i dont really have anything to say. Jolene and Lara are gone for the weekend, so thats good away time. Im going to watch my favourite tv show now... LOVE. i also am in love with Tegan & Sara. going to the tv now.

Peace out A Town (OH! i said to an old friend today when i was leaving work, she was shopping, so im like peace out a town and shes like "stay white soul sistah" it was so funny!)

ttfn, Jiggy

PS: People at work have been calling me by my nickname lately... its not bad, its just different....

can a heart break if it's not beating?

so, i have a had a lovely couple of days. i mean, two days off in a row, who could ask for, wait. nevermind. so apparently im the only person online at one am on a thursday, what up wit dat? lame. umm, i went to the zoo today. then i went out for dinner with my mom and took her to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I really really really liked it. i mean, people werent sure, but as long as you remember that its going to be different then you'll probably enjoy it. i think they captured the magic and the creepiness of the original. i had a huge smile plastered on my face. good times. i just finished watching my favourite show. its disgusting how much i like it. i mean, i REALLY like it. i almost threw a pop bottle at the tv because of it. *sigh* if i wrote it in a letter i wouldnt be able to back out of it. ill just live my life according to what i see in my favourite show. thats what tv is for right? no takers? fine... im going to write in my white book. OH! im very excited for something! yay!

ttfn, JB

when i woke up this morning god i missed you something fierce

These nine hour shifts are going to kill me. It seems that the more i sleep the worse i feel. Last night i fell asleep, sleep through the thunder and woke up in the same position that i fell alseep in. i had a dream. the only one i remember anyway, and it stuck with me the whole day. Even now. So my day started at nine am, and ended at 6 pm. I went to A&B sound on my break and bought the new Backstreet Boys cd (ya thats right, you know you wish you were as cool as me) and i bought ColdPlay A Rush of Blood to the Head. just before the end of my shift a girl i graduated with came into work. I havent seen her since the grad banquet, so we hung out for a bit after work. then i came home and had a bit of a pity party. not so much a pity party. more of a breakdown. then i slept for a bit. i feel better now. i guess. I have no patience for girls and their fucking bullshit. there i said it its out and done. rarr.

You. Call me when you see that im not online and have left you this curious little, YOU! comment. do it. please...

ttfn, Jaryd

Tegan & Sara song choice of the day: Heavy

you give it all, but i want more

have you ever been just about to finish a post and then the internet goes wanky (heh) and you lose it all? then you go back to the place of posting and try to redo it, but you cant, cuz you already wrote what you needed to, so it doesnt matter anymore. except it really does. whatever, i dont really feel like talking about it anyway. ill just redo the end part. so my favourite song of the moment is " My Number" by Tegan & Sara. so who wants to read the words? Ok, if you insist. you have to hear it though. it so good.

Showers pounding out a new beat
I trade my old shoes for new feet
I grab
a new seat
I don't like the one I got
The fabric's wearing through
And it's wearing me out
You're wearing me down
Watching old baseball
games
And low budget telethons
Ain't like watching you yourself
When
you yourself is on
Got time to wander to waste and to whine
But when it
comes to you
It seems like I just can't find the time
So watch your head
and then watch the ground
It's a silly time to learn to swim
When you
start to drown
It's a silly time to learn to swim
On the way down
If
I gave you my number
Would it still be the same
If I saved you from
drowning
Promise me you'll never go away
Promise me you'll always stay
Closed down the last local zoo
I'm gonna win the endless war
Over
who kills the last koala bear
And who in death will love him more then I
He grabs me by the hand
Drags me to the shore
And says maybe you
don't love me
But you'll grow to love me even more
And I well I'm not
surprised

good song.

ttfn, Jiggy

FORTUNA TRAVEL!!

thats right kids! its a: a travel agency in which you see the whole world via tuna riding. lessons will be provided. or b: a travel agency for tuna only. like a members of the tuna species only. heh. THE TUNA HAVE RISEN AGAINST US!! CAN THEM ALL! i mean uh... nice little tuna. it amuses me so much. fortuna travel. OH! maybe its a travel agency that puts together tours to obtain tuna, travel fortuna kind of thing. hmm... its all very intriguing!

my eyes feel like sandpaper. my allergies have been acting up really bad lately. it hurts.

i went to see sky flowers today. My favourite are the big ones that look like a huge sprinkling of pixie dust sent from neverland. theyre pretty.

i cant type anymore because i cannot see. it hurts so freaking bad. it doesnt hurt when i hold my eyelids out, but i cant do that and type.

i did go to a workshop for my store. it was filled with fun rolepalying exercising. not really though. i shudder at the word roleplay.

i wonder if i have visine somehwere... this is insane.

ttfn, Jiggy

you can't change a stubborn mind

someone told me yesterday that the things that i were saying didnt matter. all that mattered is if i knew what i wanted. and this is the only thing that i know for sure. i can honestly say, at this moment in time, in this aspect, i know what i want. that doesnt mean that ill get it, its just for my peace of mind. so really what good is it. not much. my peace of mind is regularily compromised anyway. *sigh*

i went to see the wedding crashers tonite with Amber, it was soo funny. i love vince vaghn...

i have found a spot. its a good spot i beleive. hopefully its not crowded. we'll see if i remember how to get there tomorrow...

heres my emo thingy for the day, i heard it in a song, "i only thing of you on two occasions, day and night"...

there is only one thing that remains of her in my life. the rest has been deleted today. now i just have some painting to do... in the process of clearing out my computer i came acrossed some songs and some poems. why is it that things get written and then discarded?

perhaps i will watch a movie now. sounds good to me. oh wait! its saturday! snl!!! yay!

ttfn, Jaryd

strange and beautiful are the stars tonight

So i went to work for another half hour... then Robyn and i went over to her house to just hang out. Her roomate told her that he got his own store in lethbridge, as in gets to be manager down there. it was cool for him, but at the same time kinda sad. that was basically it. i was on my way home and i was driving down deerfoot just as the sky flowers were going on. it was pretty sweet and pretty dangerous, cuz well, you know. i dunno what else to say. i consulted my tarot cards a night or two ago, and they told me what i already know. perhaps i will try again when im not so tired. i think im going to light a candle tonight. its the only thing i brought back for me from alaska. when you light it its supposed to resemble the northern lights (there were no northern lights when i was there, but i hoped that it would be pretty, and well, shiny.) hey look! its a smiley who lost an eye! .) heh. cyclops. except not really.

ttfn, Jaryd

do it!

caught in the middle

i had a crappy day. well. stressful, not necisarily crappy, but stressful. i worked at 10am and i was introduced to my new district manager as "our alternate key" even though i have never closed or opened our store by myself. anyway, i got my car back last nite. i missed her. the door is fixed and the front end is patched up. i just have to wash her. anyway, i have to go back to work to get the third key cuz i told Patti i could. i think Robyn and i are going to hang out. ill be back at curfew to write some more probably...

ttfn, Jaryd

i can't tell you from the drugs

i had a pretty relaxed day. i got up and bused it to my work to discover that my favourite shiny thing (my coat) is missing/has been stolen. then Marlene, a lovely lady that does the visual stuff from work, offered to drive me to Leannes to get my nails filled. when i got there we all had some rum and coke, lol. the finished product of my nails is awesome. i got mini rainbows and i love them soo much, all i have to do is look at them and i smile! after that i bused it to the other side of the city. 3 buses later i arrived at my destination. then we walked to happy hour at options. we will not talk in excess about the touchy drunk man named Mike, except that he said you have to take care of me. drunk people are smart. one time at a stamps game a drunk guy told me to "never dip your pen in the company ink". heh. then i got a ride home. its awfully kind of them to do so. nice relaxing day. i find that the bus is calming. no road rage. but the bus puts no restrictions on how much i can drink. so for the week i was on my cruise, i drank. and then everyday since ive been back, ive drank. not excessively like i cant walk and i slur my speech, but nonetheless, theres been no pausing. anyway. i really like Jimmy Eat World. Drugs or Me is my favourite song of the moment. i think thats it.

tttfn, Jiggy

PICTURES!

some anyway....


ok, the blonde one there, has a to die for smile and i have never seen in person a dreamier man. holy shit. lumberjacks are freaking HOTT.


so no one told me that a fjord was a huge mother peice of glacier. so when i went out on deck i almost had a heart attack when the boat was surrounded by them.


this is all i can show you of my happy place. my memory gives it more justice.


east side, biotch!


chocolate chess. i saw it, thought of you, couldnt buy it to bring back, so i took a picture of it.


this is a big shiny thing. the end.

ttfn, Jiggy

If i were a tree...

i have a sunburn.
i worked from 10-330 then went to volunteer at a bbq to face paint.
i got free beer for doing so.
My manager loves me.
I get my car back next week.
i am an official keyholder for the store.
i took the bus to work today.
apparently i dont have the attention span to do this...
the comment to me that you put still doesnt make sense to me and im still just as lost if not more so now.
i should really go to bed, but i dont work tomorrow so i get to sleep in.
it has occured to me that i wont be able to write about my trip anymore. just know that i had an awesome time despite the flying fruit and i didnt even feel like i was gone that long.
if ur up for it after star wars give me a call :)
the end.

ttfn, Crispy Jiggy

"How can you look at me like I was just another one of your deals?"

Hey Everybody, so most of you only know the shitty parts of my vacation so now, im going to go through my thought book and give you a summary of the awesome time i had. YAY!

July 3:
We got on an earlier than planned flight. security was interesting, i had my shoes scanned. thats never happened to me before... it only took 15 minutes to get to Vancouver though ;) on the way to port there was a protester against the religious executions in china. that was interestning cuz he was camped out with this huge poster behind him. at the port i quickly grabbed a postcard and the lady said she'd send it... i wasnt so sure. Moving on, walking onto a boat was seriously like a freaking movie. exactly like it. except that im pretty sure in the movies when you walk on the boat the characters hear something other than Madonna's "Express Yourself" (im pretty sure thats what its called) thats was so funny though. We went in and everytime you get on the boat you have to sanitize your hands... it was a little creepy. Then someone pushed my mom for me, i felt a little lost, cuz ever since i was little thats been my job. anyway, we get to our room and i see my bunk so im like, great, i have to climb up there somehow... so i figure it out and with my amazing amount of upper body strength i pull myself up there. its pretty comfy. then my mother goes to put something in the closet and finds the ladder, it was pretty funny. the next funny thing was that i was eating lunch with my mom on deck and she spotted a hot black man so she goes, "top deck 11 o'clock" my moms awesome. i had a nap that afternoon but i had to wake up cuz there was an emergency drill where we had to (when i say we, i mean the whole freaking boat) evacuate basically, put on a life saver, and stand in little designated groups waitng for our emergency boat thing. umm, after that i drank illegally on deck at the farewell land bbq thing. i like pina coladas... 745 that nite i discovered a goregeous place. basically at the back of the boat. i spent most of my late evenings there. i had been writing for about 25 minutes when a guy named Roy came over and asked if i was ok. hes from south america and asked if i wanted to hang out sometime. i went back to my happy place and it was raining a beautiful rain like you can only find on the coast. it was dark out and i kinda looked over the railing to the ocean and i swear my heart stopped for a second. it was black but shiny and i wanted to touch it. but that would be bad. so i looked up and saw another cruise ship all lit up and it was really pretty. it was going the other way. the rocking of the boat was floating perfection. such beauty, such power, such potential.

July 4:
A guy who worked on the boat looked right at me and said "charlies angels" i laughed out loud. Mom and i wnet walking around the boat and then we ran into Roy. So he met my mom... weird. when we went back to the room i decided sitting in the room all day was lame and so i went walking around and found the arcade. a little kid said that i was really good at the crisis game. lol. we had a fancy dinner that night. i drank wine and had the chicken. i have never been more aware of the fourth of july. i mean, there was a couple all decked out in there star spangled banner gear. did anyone know that originally there was anchovies in ceaser salad? i couldnt figure out what the fish taste was and then i was informed that it was the anchovies. gross. after dinner we went to the meet and greet with the captain and the champagne. i wont even go into what happened when Jolene met Roy... I got my picture taken with the Captain and then watched a not so newlywed show (very funny) and mom and i went to the stardust lounge to see a show about the producer that was involved in oliver and Les Mis. it was good. immitation musicals have their moments. Then at about 11 i went to my happy place to write and drink coffee. Talked to Roy for a bit and then went back to the room. i then turned on the angry music. and i also learnt that the americans dont acknowledge daylight savings time. then i went to bed.

thats enought for tonite. im tired. and i have to work at 10 tomorrow. then i have to help with a bbq til like 9... goodtimes.

ttfn, Jiggy.

return to innocence

thats the song thats playing and other than native chanting those are the only words. so unfitting, but whatever. its a really pretty song though. i just stopped by the computer on my way back on board so here i am with a snippet of an update. ya thats right, i said snippet. to be honest, im a little liquoured. i went on shore today with a friend that i met here and we went to a pub and i drank illegally. im tired. anyway, im doing much better now than i was earlier on in the week. i took pictures of my new happy place to show you all when i get home and other than that, ill be back in a couple of days!

ttfn, Jiggy

clip the wings that get you high

sooooo.... im not really gonna talk a lot about my trip, when i get home ill let you all know. ive been writing lots about it whilst sitting outside looking at the ocean on this big boat. so ill write that in here when i get back. its lovely here. i hate my parents. together they create a misery that is incredible. i havent fallen off the boat yet, but i have been considering jumping. only because the ocean is so shiny at nite. i wont jump, but i will consider it. i should have taken bets on how long it would take before i was officially kicked out of the house when we get back. as it stands now, i have 48 hours to leave when i get home. im not taking it too seriously at this point. its not like i dont have financially back up if it actually does happen. i just think its so lame. everytime something doesnt go the way she wants it she kicks me out. it would really suck to be the people staying next to us... lol. im going to sit on deck. its beautiful.

ttfn, Jaryd

Packed, Ripped, and Waiting...

Alright, its now 215am on the day of departure and i am ready to go. now i just have to remember to grab my toothbrush. im feeling rather speechless at the moment. perhaps i should just go to bed. if i go now i can get about 4 hours of sleep... probably should do that. i just wanted to let you guys know that everything is under control! for the most part : )
Have a lovely week.
ttfn, Jiggy.

one more sleep

i worked all day. im tired. now. it is 1230 and everything that was pre packed is going to go into my suitcase... NOW. im so lame sometimes.

ttfn, Jaryd

In Our Darkest Hour We're All Just Shades of Grey

[b] call me at my moms if you want to, the # is 235-4508 i would like to hear your voice. call me please i work tonight and tomorrow so call either during the day or sunday. luvyou know who


my past is catching up to me...
im not running from it, at least i wasnt until a week or so ago. now i feel as though i have to. i was fine without her. i had moved on just fine after she torn my fucking heart out. the friendship ended in the worst possible way. in her eyes i was the terrible friend. and there were all these things that i was doing wrong. and that she was the only one who was mistreated. im not saying that i was perfect in the friendship, but come on, relationships are fifty fifty. the worst part of our last conversation was that she said that i was never there for her. ever. that i always left her to deal with whatever she was going through on her own. i have this problem sometimes, when i sacrifice myself for another person. i go out of my way to help them and sometimes harm myself in the process, or even people that i love. when you get harmed enough, dont you try to fix the situation so that you dont feel like part of you dies when youre with that person? i mean, if youre honestly losing part of yourself by being around them, then why should you continue to put effort into them? i cant believe that i let her treat me like that. i did it blindly. i have never been so blind. why should you allow that person to influence you and manipulate you? you shouldnt. i know that. so why does a part of me feel as though i should call her? i cant believe i still allow her to have such control over me. i still allow her to make me cry. why do i care? i cried so much when we were friends, i cried for her safety, i cried for her baby, i cried for her life that she took for granted so many times. and now, i cry because of how hurt i still am. after six fucking months i am still crying about it. if she had just disappeared from my life forever i would not be crying right now. since she has reappeard, i have this emotional struggle going on. if i call her, then im saying that its ok for her to act the same ways because i will always come crawling back. she can also criticize me and anyone i care about. she can treat the people i love like crap and she can drag me down with her. but on the other hand maybe shes changed. she hasnt changed. i cant beleive i let her treat you like that. if i put everything together, that is what i am most angry at her about is the way she treated you. im going to have to figure a way to deal with this. some way that makes her not contact me. how many chances are you supposed to give. i mean, is there some sort of set number that i dont know about? what if im supposed to give one more? i think i gave enough. i cant help but think of her everytime i hear Scars by Papa Roach. its just so fucking fitting.
this is not your doing, so there is no need for you to appoligize.
the stamps lost, but the sky flowers were pretty, and shiny and i am not a zombie. i dont think ill ever be able to watch fireworks again without thinking of land of the dead...
i had coffee with Rebecca and her friends today. it was fun.
i was having an alright day until tonite. i even remembered my dreams when i work up. i wrote them down. they were weird. now i have a book to decode them. im excited. perhaps i will do that.
i dont often have times when i wish someone would just tell me that everything will be alright and i actually beleive them. i wish i could.
ive sorta been struggling with something else to. not so much lately, which is good. i guess. i seem to trade one for the other. its good times.
i should really REALLY pack. ive been thinking a lot about it. does that count? didnt think so... ill probably stay up late doing that so that i can just relax tomorrow. i cant beleive it is saturday.
HOLY SHIT! lol, i just remember that its July 2nd! lol. nevermind, you wouldnt understand, unless i told you. in which case, i dont know. lol. this is an important day. just remember that. not really though.
this entry is terribly long. sorry about that. thanks for reading it though. unless you just skipped ahead to the end. lame. lol!

ttfn, Jaryd.

LOOK I HAVE TITLES NOW!!

uh... thats pretty much it...

heh.

ttfn, again.

the end

i had some crazy dejavu today. it was weird, like it usually is. i think i blacked out for a second. meh. i went to see land of the dead today. by which i mean, i didnt pay to see it. it was pretty good. i only freaked out twice. and not even huge freakouts. im pretty proud of myself considering how much i hate seeing scary movies in the theatres. i had a really good day, i had an 8 hour shift which went by really quick. then i had a good nite. besides the gosquitos. heh. thats right i said it.

umm, ya, im sleepy.

OH! FIREWORKS! HAPPY! im not a zombie, i just like shiny things. and sky flowers is a lovely term, im going to call them that i think.

ttfn, Jiggy


2 more sleeps... and i still havent been packing.