i forgot to mention that in the surprise from yesterday there is lots of screaming. its really hot and it makes me happy. i heard I Found Out About You by the Gin Blossoms on my way home from work today. good times. my hair is hot and Mrs. Barker red again. i really really really like it red. really really. hmm, nothing really exciting happened today. the original trio that was Kaydee Jen and I at work is now down to me. and robyn is leaving as well... Patricia wants me to go work for her up in royal oak, but its just to far away.

if i dont talk to you tonite, which it doesnt look like im going to, ill just give you a call on my break tomorrow or something.

ttfn, Jaryd

Guys, i had an awesome day. heres why.

1. i slept in
2. i finished painting number two (ill show you on thursday)
3. got a surprise (a really good one by the way, thank you :)
4. searched for leaves of grass by Walt Whitman, found one and then found T.S Eliot (i flipped open the book and read the poem and it turned out to be Hollow Men, i was like, what? i didnt know that, now i must buy it.), Robert Frost as well as a book about dreams. Annies Book Company is neat, i could see myself going there and hanging out. so yay for books!
5. saw my neice and Kristy and her new place
6. exchanged defective clothing
7. got my nails done and found out that Doug is coming home tomorrow and that he should be alright. he is a fascinating man.

ttfn, Jiggy

heh, you thought i was done for the day, ha! by which i mean technically its the 28th. anyway, im almost done the second painting now. actually i dont think paintings can ever be done. they are like theatre there is always something to make it better, but, i only have detailing on the eyes to do and then i think it will be finished. and i am a genius. (just let me think that ok) im not really though. i just figured out tonite that i could hook up my mp3 player to my stereo with the car kit. that made me so happy. i think i should attempt sleep...

ttfn, Jiggy

so. now what. for the first time in my life i have nothing to do. mostly because i dont know what to do. about anything or for anyone. ive sort of just been hiding in my room waiting for some miracle to arrive and give me direction and inspire me to accomplish something. im done with school now and hopefully i didnt completley bomb my exam today. now what. theres like this thing. that i have to do. but i havent figured out what it is yet. or even if i had it right for most of my life. do you ever get that feeling. its not sad persay but its just there and you dont know what to do? i have that feeling. i have it all the time. its like fear, no its not like fear, because i know theres something that i have to figure out, its frustration with the process. how long willt his process take? i havent been slppeing lately. its scary for me. i dont know why but its like im lying in bed tired but its no strain at all to keep my eyes open. i dream with my eyes open and everything fades away as if it were fantasy but its not because im not asleep. im completely away comprehending everything and the more i try to sleep the worse it gets. i find myself more and more slipping away to the observer. i prefer to be watching people and how they move and how they speak and their specific manuerisms. ive become facinated with it. i went out with a bunch of guys from english calls today and i hardly spoke. i just watched. and noticed little details. people are fascinating. theres this one kid Brandon, and when he speaks, the right side of his lips tilts towards the sky, and Chris, he punctuates his points with his eyes, Ryan, he fights himself. he wants to say something in response, but he holds back. it was an interesting couple of hours. and now i bet i will never see any of them again, well maybe, who knows. ive been thinking a lot about my great grandmother for the past week. i feel that she is not well and i fear that i will not make it down there in time. so i called today. she is not well. neither is my great aunt. well last week they were not well, they are better now. its weird how i met my great grandmother once but i have this definate connection with her. shes amazing. and my great aunt, i have never met. i have all this family and i have never met them. ive met the people in california, so like 5 of this huge family i am apparently apart of. i still havent gotten used to that. i dont think i ever will. ive been especially sensitive lately. not like spaz out sensitive, just picking up on everyones whatevers. its taking its toll. could be why i havent been sleeping well. i guess i just have a lot on my mind. i heard CCR on the radio today and i clapped. tomorrrow im going to go get a couple books. im considering just drowning myself in Walt Whitman for a week. i have lost all motivation to finish the second painting. im afraid ill ruin it. i have free text messaging up to like 500 a month. this makes me especially happy. so no need to worry about sending me text messages!! i think im done rambling...

ttfn, Jiggy







http://www.big-boys.com/articles/torn.html

so obviously when i said goodnite at 330 this morning that meant, i will put in a movie til i fall asleep. I will then proceed to watch the entire movie, the Notebook and after bawling my eyes out i will notice that the sun hath risen. when the movie was over i felt like i was waking up. it was weird. like i could pull an all nighter or something. i forced myself to sleep though, for a few hours.

I had a terrible day at work. terrible.

ttfn, Jaryd.

six days...

Sunday: 12-6
Wednesdy: 3-10
Thursday: 11-6
Saturday: 1030-7

Props to my assistant manager for giving me an 8 and a half hour shift the day before i leave... funny little gal.

So i sooo desperately wanted to go to see a movie tonite, instead i helped my mother go grocery shopping... then i went to Rebeccas for a movie. not what i wanted but ill take what i can get. *sigh* no comments about my saying that last nite, i know what you were thinking. so, whilst at Rebeccas i borrowed a movie that i havent seen since last summer. i really shouldnt have borrowed it. it will only depress me and then give me hope for my own sad little life. last summer i sobbed through it once and then i brought tissues with me the second time i tortured myself and watched it again.

stop being silent and tell me when we can hang out before i leave. not that that is the only thing i have to look forward to or anything... Dammit! that and getting my hair done... heh. when the hell did i become such a girly girl? fuck. i hate you Mr. Reitman!

I started a new painting today and by that i mean yesterday. the more i look at it the more i get just a little creeped out. i dunno, its too accurate, way too accurate. maybe it will go on tour when its done which will be tonite, cuz i seem to prefer to paint at nite rather than sleep lately. what can ya do. i wonder if it would be worth taking my paints with me one the boat. hmm....

I think that Lonny is going to paint me, that would be awesome.

countdown to the big boat: 7 days... it only took me 4 months to be excited

ttfn, Jiggy

PS: my cute shoes hurted my feets today. it made me sad... they are not 8 hour shoes.

Yo! i forgot to mention that Army of Darkness was on tonite. It was awesome. I should buy it on DVD.

: )

ttfn, Jiggy

guys... by the end of this month i will have spent over 200 dollars on gas... *sigh* fuck you, 90.9 cents a litre, my ass! ya thats right.

ttfn, Jiggy

Ps: ive been having these incredible urges to paint. anything. thats what ill be doing tonite, so ill be up late. call me if your awake/alive.

so for those of you who wish to reach me while im on the big boat. you can call a special number and it will only cost you 7.95/minute. but uh, the internet is free. assuming that theres enough computers.
You, do i get to see you before i leave?...

Im off to go on a slurpee run...

ttfn, Jaryd

Eddie Money: Take me home tonight
Dexy Midnight Runners: Come on Eileen
Dead of Alive: You spin me round
Cyndi Lauper: Time After Time
Culture Club: Karma Chameleon
Corey Hart: Sunglasses at Night
Fine Young Cannibals: She drives me crazy
George Harrison: I got my mind set on you
George Michaels: Gotta have faith
Gin Blossoms: Til i hear it from you
: Follow you down
: Hey Jealousy
Great White: Once Bitten Twice Shy

Can we say 80's dance party, much?

Note: this greeting is not flattering just annoying. "hey Sexy". stop that, not that you read this anyway, but if Ian found out he would kick your fucking ass. Stop it! Rarr.

I finished before mentioned painting. it looks accurate actually. i was a little surprised. i dont know what to do with it now. part of me wants to rip it up, lol. only because something with that much anticipation behind it should not exist for too long. perhaps i will create the same memory except in an abstract form, then rip them both up. not really though, i dont think i have to strength to rip a painting thats half decent.

YOU! I miss you!

i had a lovely time in Kensington today. I miss you and even though we missed parts, its all there.

On the way home I heard "Lost Together" by Blue Rodeo, its my favourite of theirs. it made me smile.

ttfn, Jaryd

i like that you are

the way that you are

u got me

*sigh* *does girly thing*

Lauryn, i will be in need of you calling me asap. mmhmm, ya. do it!

ttfn, Jiggy

see, the thing is, that this always happens on a day when you least expect it. for me anyway. im not so much upset at you, im upset at myself for allowing you to be my future. well part of it. im upset for relying on you to be part of something that i looked forward to. i seem to have lost a lot of my independance. please dont read this and get offended. even though by just saying that it means that it could be taken offensively, i dont mean it like that. i love how timing works against me. its good times. i seriously had an awesome day. i met a boy who wants to go for coffee, i bought new shoes, and i get to finish my painting. i didnt even have coffee today and i was dancing around at work. i had a good day.

ttfn, Jaryd

Dear Jaryd, Here is your horoscopefor Sunday, June 19:
Looking to someone else to stand up for you just ain't gonna cut it. Figure out exactly what you want and need, and get it yourself. Once you reach for it, it'll be closer than you think.
i would much prefer if others stood up for me, its so much nicer than confronting others, or yourself. Theres nothing wrong with that. ok fine!

I saw a church sign today. "Redemption: God's recycling program". there are no words.

So Ickies was much fun. The most beautiful couple in the world were there, Caroline Cave and Edward Belanger. Im glad the party went well too, as far as i know it went well...

then i went to work. *sigh* i was so tired. so when i got home instead of sleeping i went out for dinner with my old possee, as Jolene would call them, who i never get to see all together anymore and we celebrated Ian's birthday. I cant believe i will have known and been friends with Ian and Dustin for seven years as of September. *sigh* after that, instead of sleeping i did something else. I stacked my stereo with mystery cd's and painted for five hours. as a result im still tired and i have to finish the last one because its been on my to do list to paint it for a while now. almost a month, wait make that 2 months. the moment is burned into my memory. Its sorta goes along with that idea i had to expand on, black thread. the painting and the poemy thing tie together. I hope it turns out.

ttfn, Jiggy

songless...

so i wrote 4 pages in my journal tonite. it was good. i feel better. then i read my cards. its all there. thats annoying and good all in one, mostly annoying right now though and also sad.

i have the other half of my english diploma to write/read i guess then im done for now.

im worried.

I have to wait.

im tired.

im going to go watch the rest of the movie i started, by that i mean, make sure that my new favourite show is one that i have seen, then finish that movie.

i saw the sisterhood of the traveling pants today. *sigh* im refering to it as the whore pants movie. and also, Rebecca and i have decided that everytime we go see a movie we will pick our next one. it will be the lamest titled movie in the previews. this time its "must like dogs". ill letcha know how it is : )

ttfn, Jiggy

PS: i like talking to you before i go to bed. *hint hint, nudge nudge, if you like, either way*

its getting hard to be here. really hard.

do you ever just wish you could hear one song. the song. because if you could hear it once more then everything would be alright. or worse, depending on how you look at it. *sigh* i want to hear it, but it is not on the radio and it wont download. lame.

i should go to bed. but i wont... what with the song and such.

i will be seeing boy tomorrow : )

i will also be seeing a terrible terrible, bring a box of tissue with me movie. yay!

Call me when you get home from work because YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

ttfn, Jiggy

so
so
so
so
so
so
so
so
so
so
so
so
so
so
very
tired.
i
worked
12
hours
today.
in
a
row.
Ricia
was
sick
so
i
went (ok thats enough) to close Royal Oak by myself, cuz i heart her. and as such 10 -10 makes me sad.

i did see Dave today though, i gathered up some energy and we went out for dinner. it was really fun :)

i will call you/you call me tomorrow. its 10 after one and i cant stay here. i must sleep.

i hope you all had a good day.

i have recieved 4500 dollars in scholaship monay. ya thats right, monay.

tired

ttfn, Jiggy

* My Engish Teacher cried today. It was sad. She read us this song at the end of class about a boy jumping off the roof because he thought he could fly and he continued to do so until he was really old. (note: her husband is paralyzed) and then she told us to run and jump while we still can. it was heartbreaking.

*Lauryn Darling, feel better, a poem for you, it will probably make you feel worse, but still for you and that other reason.

Infinite Beasts by Rhona McAdam

From time to time I wathc you closely, with new eyes
appreciating how much of you I haven't seen

and I'm no longer sure whether it's what I know of you
that attracts me, or what I might find

When we met, I thought knowledge had its limits, that in love
we were finite beasts who shared known boundaries

but watching you touch objects for which I have no desire
I see a measure of longing in your eyes

that forces me to say. I don't know you yet. That forces me
to say, there are places in you I may not wish to know.

In love we are beasts of infinnity, crude in our longing
for things that may carry us apart. It's more than biology

or romance, more than drawing thorns from feet
with gentled fangs, more than all we have been told;

it's finding a reason to come together
without kidding the wildness we each carry

like a gift we haven't decided to share
and hold inside ourselves with only the edges showing.


*I ended my English class with an 85%

*A boy asked for my phone number today, tee hee.

*I've been writing down what i remember from my dreams every morning for the past weekish. ya thats right, weekish, but this morning i couldnt remember anything... perhaps its the way i woke up, late. tomorrow is another morning.

*I went out for cofee with Dusting this evening after work. I missed him. He always asks me the same question though. And i always ask him who hes impregnated this time. its funny.

ttfn, Jiggy

*PS: I had a ppretty good day.

im lost in a wonderment that you dont even see.
im conflicted with every decision i make,
or dont.
the person i love moves farther away.
but i am not in love.
so look at me with sceptical everything.
eyes hands and soul.
nothing you do can convince me
otherwise
i am not in love.

hmm

i had a day
where people saw through me
like water
something was highlighted
on my face
and in return were smiles
do you know whats written
on my face i mean
am i that transparant
to a world of women
women who wish
whats on my face
was written on
their own.

umm,

a fight with tears
a nap and a half
the story for the
generations
the tears will win
they always do
only because we choose
to sacrifice everything
before taking nothing
we live here for
freedom of anything
but love
and loss
and pain
we are not free.


do do do


colourless
but full of colour
definately possible
with such engagement
do they know
i dont think i do
perhaps i dont want to
one day this theory
of mine
will transcend to the sky
and fall back on me
like a brick wall of rain
crushing my existance
good times await.

ttf n, Jiggy