you're so blind, you can't save me this time

I have recently been becoming more focused. I talked to Doug yesterday. Its hard for me to make eye contact with him because its like his eyes dont end. they just keep going on forever. Ive been trying to force myself to making eye contact. hopefully one day i will be able to look at him and have an intriguing conversation without freaking out and turning away. i do that with most people. so its not that different i guess... it feels different though. I came home after getting my nails done a few days ago and my mom was all like i saw something on tv that reminded me of you and Doug. it was "when the student is ready, the teacher will be there". he has the potential to teach me great things. things that i will be able to use and help other people with but am i willing to let him? i should. i mean it couldnt really hurt. and it would be really intersting. hes always very cautious about not overloading me with information too. ive found that in the past when i have to much to take in i just shut down and loose all interest in the current subject. Ive finished reading my numerology report. its disgustingly accurate. its inspired me though. im not at liberty to say how, just know that im feeling very inspired and cleansed of everything old and stupid. i still have more cleaning to do, but im soooo much better now. and i have something to think about! i hate when everything is just how you think it is. now i have something to ponder and search for. YAY!

ttfn, Jiggy