"why not keep your back pockets full"

"until you find your front pocket"

i miss having a really long talk with someone and then being able to say thank you and at the same time have someone else say thank you.

i felt ill all day.

im putting together a small army.

im almost too good at running/finding ways to run.

i just want to live in my fantasy world. i hate reality. everything is so much better in shiny town. i dont get hurt there. my perfect land is slowly being cracked. so i will run away. one day im going to turn around and everything that i have ran from for years and years will catch up to me and i will be kicked right on my ass and be forced to deal with all things dull and painful. i dont wanna.

i made a commitment to myself, but now, i dont know if its just because then i can run away and forget it all. maybe that better. even though its completely impossible to start over. there is no such thing as forgetting. its all there just suppressed deeper. like i need to hide anything else. everyone that knows my secrets leave. and holy shit this just because a way different conversation with myself. but that fact should make it apparent to everyone why i dont say what i want.