unanswered

Sometimes i look at pictures and think why? Why was i so happy in that moment? you can tell the real from fake and sometimes i forget why. i wonder what i was thinking at the that exact moment. where did i lose that feeling. at what point along the way did i forget why and what. maybe its because i held on so tightly to that perfect moment in time and now that its gone i cant ever get it back. everything else is a copy like im living in a power point presentation of what that was like. power point makes me sleepy. everywhere i go i live in that mini feature film and i cant shake it off. it feels as though im standing infront of a brick wall and i see whats on the other side but im so focused on whats lost in front of me that i cant push through it. i had a dream that i was stuck on a spiders web and millions of black spiders with red eyes were coming towards me and i couldnt move. stuck. forever. to be devoured by the creatures of my world without them even knowing that its harmful what they do. i like to believe that i have everything that i need but i dont. i only fabricate this life and convince myself that i dont need anything else then what i already have. im starting to realize that i should just take a step instead of averting my eyes but then i think why? im so happy with what i have i couldnt possibly want anything more. its just another wave that i let myself get caught in and i dont know how to move or how to think. maybe its the end.

ttfn, Jaryd