So i had a long day. it started off with yoga at 630, volunteering at the Multiple Sclerosis Society til 1, lunch with my momma (not the long part, the nice part) then work til 6, volunteer ushering at ATP (good play btw, The Myth of Summer, some good quotes too) and then what just happened. Its very hard for me to be strong in front of my mother. Especially when i see her slowly deteriorating day by day... I want her to be so happy. There was a time when she didnt think that I loved her. And all i can do is tell her everyday and give her my time. Even if its just to rub her back when shes in pain or hug her when shes crying. I must admit that i dont know how to deal with this and as much as i know you want to help me, you cant. you dont understand. and i appreciate you being there for me, but you just dont know. its like a completely different, different something between day and nite. The way you see her and the way she lets me see her. i dont know why im trying to explain this. I do know that i need to go see someone about it. Thats progress. It still seems stupid to me though. Im not the one going through it all, im just an observer. I dont want to see my mom suffer anymore. Its like her soul is slowly dieing. Its her birthday at the end of this month. I will make it special.

On a completely different lighter note, my options are up to 4. i was having trouble with 2 and now i have 4. right now i dont want one of them. like thats anything new.

the end.