so i was supposed to be able to run/drive far far away... but my ship wont be sailing. i was sooo close to being gone and now i have to stay in this fucking thing. my hands feel like their detached from my body. and no, i havent been drinking. especially not before my last diploma... for this semester anyway. i want to leave. i want to go somewhere where noone knows the phone number or how to get there and just be able to have a smoke and read a book in silence. theres not a soul around. but then id just get lonely. i maintain that this is a curse. i have some pretty good arguments... maybe ill share them someday.

I dont tell my mom that i love her enough. Tonite she was helping me study and she said something funny then i said something funny and we both started laughing so hard that we started to cry. I dont know what id do without moments like that.

ttfn, Jaryd