well, may i just say that yesterday, totally fucking sucked ass... Seriously. It blew. Do you ever just think that maybe you fabricated the whole thing. The tale was too perfect. Well that how i feel. Im not going into details, but im really upset... And you know what the worst part is. I cried. And not like a build up of emotions climaxing into an explosion of tears. No No. Im talking instantaneous. BOOM. theres no stopping those tears. The just like dropped a cement block on to you head. A coma of tears. Yuck. This totally sucks. And now, even though i really have a very minute reason to do this, i am doubting everything. Every conversation, every look, every touch, every fucking memory. It will all be ruined by the time im done. i dont want it to be. I dont want to make this fairy tale self destruct, but i dont know if it even exists or if it will be recorded in the banks of our minds. Maybe it never happened. Maybe i just made it up... BUT I KNOW I DIDNT. I know for a fact its non fiction. So what the hell is going on? GAH. I feel so helpless. Im stuck wondering. Im sick of wondering. Ive wondered enough. Now i just want to know. PLEASE. can someone just tell me that i have nothing to worry about. Nothing to wonder about... I know you cant. It will just be another chapter of my life that will have to end. I wanted it to be perfect, and for a while it was. But i cant do it anymore. Its too hard. Was it really as good as i made it sound? See... im all about doubt.

ttfn, Jaryd





PS: i stole bunches of icons, the ones that spoke to me. They are pretty, and acurate. Bye bye...