They dont call it social studies for nothing...
The flow of emotions is in a recession. Everyone has paniced and they are hoarding them, thinking that this decision will stop the inevitable outcome of a great depression. When, in reality, hiding what we're feeling does the exact opposite. It causes our whole body to stop functioning properly. Not letting our emotions flow forces us to withdraw from the world we have created. We push away the people we want near and almost kill the people who want us near. We retreat into a box. Separate from reality. We then proceed to make more boxes within the original box. They vary in sizes and thickness. They are meant to keep people out, but, inevitably, we let one person in and then another, until everyone is inside that first box and there is no way in hell they are going to leave and forget about it. They are inside and believe that that is the end to the boxes and that they have reached you. Then they look around and realize the box that was opened contains hundreds of boxes - and boxes within boxes. They then make it their mission in life to open the rest of them. What they dont realize is that maybe these boxes where not made to be opened. And maybe they wont like whats in them. That is the fear of the box creator. To have themselves be opened like a box. They dont want people to see whats inside of it, for fear of their reaction. The box receivers either like a present or they dont. Just look at the reaction on their faces.
I wrote that yesterday... Kinda wanted to post something that was different from my lastest entries of how my day was, cock and meaningless parties.
I got the job at BP's... I guess my little Jaryd moment wasnt such a bad thing. That makes me happy, cuz now... Ill get to hang out with that cute boy...hehe. Anyway, many of you shall rarely see me now except for school and other school related events. My weekends will contain working from whenever to 3 am then sleeping the next day away until i have to do it again that evening. Im actually looking forward to it. It will aid in my attitude of i hate everything and leave me the fuck alone. Sometimes i think its all good, then its not... then it is, then its not. I wish i only felt one way. Up or down. I hate the change in direction whenever my emotions wanna have a field hour before deciding on which direction i get to feel. Or not feel. Or pretend to feel. Or pretend not to feel. Good times. Not really.
I also have one other thing to add. It is wrong for me to want to keep all of my groups of friends separated from each other. Cuz it seems to me that everytime i mix them up a bit, I get fucked over. (this is not in reference to you, AM spanky) Seriously, i dont understand how someone can give me advice in one situation and tell me how they would feel if they were me and then go and do the exact same thing and tell me that i should be happy. Well fuck happy, its overrated.
I have a lot of anger pent up. I must release it on someone. It will most likely be myself. :)
ttfn, Jaryd
The flow of emotions is in a recession. Everyone has paniced and they are hoarding them, thinking that this decision will stop the inevitable outcome of a great depression. When, in reality, hiding what we're feeling does the exact opposite. It causes our whole body to stop functioning properly. Not letting our emotions flow forces us to withdraw from the world we have created. We push away the people we want near and almost kill the people who want us near. We retreat into a box. Separate from reality. We then proceed to make more boxes within the original box. They vary in sizes and thickness. They are meant to keep people out, but, inevitably, we let one person in and then another, until everyone is inside that first box and there is no way in hell they are going to leave and forget about it. They are inside and believe that that is the end to the boxes and that they have reached you. Then they look around and realize the box that was opened contains hundreds of boxes - and boxes within boxes. They then make it their mission in life to open the rest of them. What they dont realize is that maybe these boxes where not made to be opened. And maybe they wont like whats in them. That is the fear of the box creator. To have themselves be opened like a box. They dont want people to see whats inside of it, for fear of their reaction. The box receivers either like a present or they dont. Just look at the reaction on their faces.
I wrote that yesterday... Kinda wanted to post something that was different from my lastest entries of how my day was, cock and meaningless parties.
I got the job at BP's... I guess my little Jaryd moment wasnt such a bad thing. That makes me happy, cuz now... Ill get to hang out with that cute boy...hehe. Anyway, many of you shall rarely see me now except for school and other school related events. My weekends will contain working from whenever to 3 am then sleeping the next day away until i have to do it again that evening. Im actually looking forward to it. It will aid in my attitude of i hate everything and leave me the fuck alone. Sometimes i think its all good, then its not... then it is, then its not. I wish i only felt one way. Up or down. I hate the change in direction whenever my emotions wanna have a field hour before deciding on which direction i get to feel. Or not feel. Or pretend to feel. Or pretend not to feel. Good times. Not really.
I also have one other thing to add. It is wrong for me to want to keep all of my groups of friends separated from each other. Cuz it seems to me that everytime i mix them up a bit, I get fucked over. (this is not in reference to you, AM spanky) Seriously, i dont understand how someone can give me advice in one situation and tell me how they would feel if they were me and then go and do the exact same thing and tell me that i should be happy. Well fuck happy, its overrated.
I have a lot of anger pent up. I must release it on someone. It will most likely be myself. :)
ttfn, Jaryd
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