isnt it funny how you can have 2 contrasting posts? none of you will understand what i mean, but it has to be a good thing thats its got both sides mixed into it. im so 2 sided. it doesnt bother me as much as it used to. the fact that i can love and hate someone at the same time for the same reason. it works for me and thats all that matters. this just works.
Million Dollar Baby was amazing. i couldnt stop thinking how amazing it would be to have to opportunity to explore such characters. one can only hope. and while im hoping, can someone please kick me in the ass... i need to pick my monologues/book audition dates/stop procrastinating... grr. there are socks at my work that say grr. i want them. they fit. ya know, one size fits all. The movie was so good it makes me want to vomit. im not sure in what way, but i still feel sick.
ttfn, Jaryd
PS: im tired of hiding when im upset you should know that i am. ive been really passive aggressive lately, pretending like things arent bothering me and evading confrontation, fuck it, im bothered.
1. im upset that you cancelled on me this weekend. im tired of trying to figure everything out for things to work. especially when it seems like its going to work, then something else just pops up. ya know, both of you forgot you had a party to go to? we'll fix it when you have the time.
2. im mad at myself for always using you as a crutch. ive gotten to comfortable with the fact that you will always be there and that makes me vulnerable because one day, you will not be there and i will have left myself wide open for the biggest hit ive ever experianced. I hate feeling vulnerable and im sorry for treating you like that.
i guess im not done. i ruined my lack of cigarette smoking yesterday by adding 5 on today. 1 yesterday, 6 today. on the way to the store i kept telling myself that i do not need to buy a pack of smokes. i feel fine. i dont even feel like i need one, but what did i do? oh ya thats right, bought a pack of smokes. go me and my lack of will power.
Also, in light of certain events of the evening ive decided this, when someone asks me "wheres your boyfriend?" i will respond with either, "im a lesbian" or "in the oven".
the end.
Million Dollar Baby was amazing. i couldnt stop thinking how amazing it would be to have to opportunity to explore such characters. one can only hope. and while im hoping, can someone please kick me in the ass... i need to pick my monologues/book audition dates/stop procrastinating... grr. there are socks at my work that say grr. i want them. they fit. ya know, one size fits all. The movie was so good it makes me want to vomit. im not sure in what way, but i still feel sick.
ttfn, Jaryd
PS: im tired of hiding when im upset you should know that i am. ive been really passive aggressive lately, pretending like things arent bothering me and evading confrontation, fuck it, im bothered.
1. im upset that you cancelled on me this weekend. im tired of trying to figure everything out for things to work. especially when it seems like its going to work, then something else just pops up. ya know, both of you forgot you had a party to go to? we'll fix it when you have the time.
2. im mad at myself for always using you as a crutch. ive gotten to comfortable with the fact that you will always be there and that makes me vulnerable because one day, you will not be there and i will have left myself wide open for the biggest hit ive ever experianced. I hate feeling vulnerable and im sorry for treating you like that.
i guess im not done. i ruined my lack of cigarette smoking yesterday by adding 5 on today. 1 yesterday, 6 today. on the way to the store i kept telling myself that i do not need to buy a pack of smokes. i feel fine. i dont even feel like i need one, but what did i do? oh ya thats right, bought a pack of smokes. go me and my lack of will power.
Also, in light of certain events of the evening ive decided this, when someone asks me "wheres your boyfriend?" i will respond with either, "im a lesbian" or "in the oven".
the end.
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