Its been a long time since i wrote anything of value in here. For the most part its just been usless facts to let you all know how and what im doing. And sometimes only half of that. But ive been doing a lot of thinking today. An opportunity has risen and now i have to decide if i will take it. Or if i will try to. I want to. I want to a lot. But i dont know. I do know. But i just dont want to fuck up again. Im doing so well right now and what happens if i fuck it up... Again. I dont know what i would do. I dont want to be a bum and work at sum store for the rest of my life and i know i would do well at chinook. but whos to say that im gonna fuck up again at crescent. I could do it. I know i could do it. I have to, i refuse not to. I cant stand not being in a show. It drives me insane. I dont feel like myself. It sounds lame but a part of me is missing when im not in a show. and its no ones fault but my own. i was stupid. I refuse to let myself fuck up like that. i need to leave and victoria is looking mighty lovely. Anywhere but here... It was good seeing you today.

I got the job by the way. Im happy. And i got it in spite of Jolene. So i win. Theres nothing like winning against her. Even if she doesnt admit it or know it.

ttfn, Jaryd...