im so tired of not saying what i want to say. i have so many words inside. why cant i just let them out so that they can roam around together in the fresh air? I can sit in silence with plenty of time to unload my mind but do i do it? no. what the hell is that? sometimes i black out because i have so much to say that it just overwhelms me. i dont even realize im doing it. Theres a pain in my head, a pain in my stomach and a pain in my foot. i dont even know how they got there, but i hurt all over.

I'll just keep telling myself that i can do everything tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better. I can deal with it tomorrow. i know it wont be tomorrow. i have too much to say to do it tomorrow. people at work tell me to smile. i have too much to say to smile. i used to be the one who was always smiling. when did people start having to tell me to smile? when i laugh, i feel like i have to. then i think, do people know how awkward this is for me? im tired of everything. i need to keep my mark up in english, that should be my focus. the terrible thing is that i have no reason to anymore. well, i know i do, but can you blame me for thinking like that?

i have to write this thing called a six pack and monkey on a string. it is anything i want it to be. i think it will be everything it has to be. definately coded so that im not vulnerable, but not too much that people cant relate.

dont expect anything and you wont be disappointed......

ttfn, Jaryd