Happy New Year Everyone!


ttfn!

so... its over. im out a best friend. i feel like crap. emotionally exhausted. my eyes hurt. i hurt. possibly one of the smartest things ive ever done. i think. everythings a blur.

Happy New Years Eve.

ttfn......

Tourniquet

What Evanescence Song Are You? (pics)
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interesting...

also. its over.

ttfn, Jiggy

Watch out... ive been cleaning all day.


for the love of fuck why. I am so fucking angry. Forgive me for this horrible post but i am having a fucking shitacular week. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR.

would it kill anyone to stop asking me about Renee? Im tired of hearing about her. or hearing people ask me if shes coming with me here or there or blah blah fucking blah. I DONT FUCKING KNOW AND NO, SHES NOT GOING WITH ME BECAUSE I HARDLY FUCKING KNOW HER. FUCK.
and also. i hate you for using me the way u r to try and get closer to her. NEWS FLASH! i wont be able to help you considering i havent seen her in at least 3 months. does anyone follow? no? no one? WHY NOT!?

i will try not to use capitals anymore. it just feels better.

Anway, im just in a generally shitty mood, aided by the fact that Jolene is a whore, my Mother is only getting more ill and it kills me to watch her struggle everyday just to do stupid tasks that the healthy part of the population takes for granted. Im tired of people thinking that they know what im going through and that "its not that bad" because it fucking is that bad.

also, i avoid the dr like the plague and i had to go see him to get my birth control perscription renewed and he has bribed me with it. if i dont see him for a physical within 5 months he wont give me anymore. its not even that i dont like him, i would just rather not know if i am dying or not. i wouldnt. Oh, and in our nice little chat he decided that i would have to go get bloodwork done. if you are thinking that this sucked because i dont like needles you are oh so wrong. i dont mind needles at all, its just that i have really bad veins. they like to appear then disappear witout warning. the last time i had to get blood work was a year ago, and they couldnt get the vein to stay open so they ended up having to go and take blood from my wrist. That was pleasant let me tell you. so, yesterday, i went in there without eating for 15 hours cuz i had to fast and shit, and i sit in the chair and this little woman tries to find a good vein. heh. good fucking luck. she thought she found one. so she stuck me with a needle and POOF! the vein was gone and she started digging for it. i would rather be stuck with a million needles than have one nurse dig for the vein. anyway, 3 women and 4 needle holes later they send me home. but oh dont worry, ill be back soon, cuz they couldnt find a vein to give them enough blood, so now, i have to go back so they can suck the rest out of me. dammit. im in a crappy mood.

oh did i mention sometime at the clinic i lost/someone stole my cell phone? oh i didnt? Well! thats the cherry on the sundae. i hate this part.

i want to scream. forever and ever and ever. if only i didnt feel so suffocated i would.

ttfn, Jaryd.

It was a Beautiful Letdown.

the day i mean. it sucked a lot. Moreso than yesterday. Anyway, i just want to say that i love Backdraft. not the actual thing, but the movie. It appeals to me. And also, i have figured out my fascination with fire. sort of. When i was little, at one point my 2 favourite movies were Backdraft and Blown Away (yes yes, haha, moving on). Both had the same concept of stuff blowing up and burning. Both had amazingly talented actors in it (if you havent seen Blown Away, i hate you. Go out and rent, no fuck that, go out and buy it NOW. im sure theres some place thats open at 4am so go now. im serious stop reading, and GO!) Anyway, ive lost my train of thought, but the moral is that i love those movies and fire. The end. partially.

Also, i regret to inform you that i have officially fallen off the band wagon. I realize that i am a retard for doing so, but i am weak. You know that i dont react to things well, and i let everything get to me. no excuses just the truth. i fucked it up.


What else can i say... cant think of anything. i guess this is

ttfn, Jiggy

Can i just take a moment to tell you how awesome Switchfoot is?! ok, cool.


SWITCHFOOT IS MORE AWESOME THAN ... i just sat here for at least a minute and i cant think of anything clever to say. So let me just say that i really REALLY like their cd, the Beautiful Letdown. He, i dont know his name cuz i havent looked, has an amazing voice. Like super amazing.

the moment has passed.

ttfn, word.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!




the end.

hey... i had a good Christmas... im tired today though. 8 hour shift on boxing day... rarr.

but this is funny, so ya, i hope you all had an awesome Christmas. Christmas is the only day when i like snow. and it snowed.

well, the thingy isnt working but it said i was 82% gangsta... ya thats right biotches

good times...

ttfn, Jiggy

Theres so much hate in this house. Such colourful words.

How is it that a lover and a fighter were paired in such a way?

I forgot what 24 hours feels like...

So, funny story... Yesterday, i was awake for 24 hours. Thats right, Yoga in the morning, til Airdrie at nite.

So, yoga is pretty self explainitory, i had to wake up at 530am, school, was the last day, nothing exciting. Hung out with Rebecca for a bit afterwards. OH! i watched this awesome show. Its called House MD, soooooooo good. Could be my new fav show. Remeber that guy that played Jesus in Messenger Joan of Arc, he stars in it. um.... oh ya, then my friend Eric finally told me what was happening for his birthday, which was that he was staying in Airdre, so, not only did i find out at the last minute, i had all these arrangements to make now, but i also had to go usher for ATP. Mmmhmm... Interesting show. Most of it was like, WTF is going on... lol. but it was alright. So then, after acting like a retard cuz i was really tired and i hadnt eaten, I went and picked up Darcie and we were on our way out to Airdrie. Which leads me past the part where i get lost in this little big city and straight to the shots of Tequila. mmm, i do like tequila. I cant taste it. weird. anyway, mostly just hung out at this bar called Flames and chatted with the Airdrie boys. Then as the lights in the bar came on, someone decided we should go to Timmys. Since we were all fairly intoxicated, we walked. And i realized yet again, that i, at heart, am a boy. Hence why i made a couple new guy friends. Now onto the interesting part. Darcies feet hurt from these horrible shoes that she bought, so she wanted to take a cab back (we didnt realize how far we had walked until driving home in the am, it was pretty far, but i have always wanted to walk over that overpass cage thing). So five of us get into the cab (somewhere along the way, i get a lap dance... not quite sure why) and so we get back to the bar, and apparently somewhere along the way, it was decided that Dana was sober enough to drive his car and all of us home. Bad Idea. Oh ya, before we get out of the cab, the cabbie warns us that the cops are sitting right acrossed the street, but we didnt think anything of it. so, we all pile into Dana's car (i also went to elementary with him, hes a good kid) and leave the parking lot. Well, we approached the petro where the cop was waiting. He turned on his lights and Dana just surrenders and pulls into the petro. (i forgot to mention all of us in the back seat scrambling to get our seatbelts on, sort of) SO the cop comes over and does the usual, "License and Registration please, everyone wearing your seatbelts? ***Flashes light right at me*** So whos been drinking tonite?" to which we all pipe up "ME!" Anyway, to make a long story short, Dana didnt get a ticket or a lovely nite in the drunk tank. He just got his car towed away. Which, when you think about it, was a break from the cop. Then we all piled into yet another cab and went to our respective homes/places where we were crashing. Thats pretty much the end of my 24 hours, we didnt get to Erics until just after 5am, and by the time we were in our makeshift beds it was 530am. LOOK! a complete circle. No napping in Biology or anything, not even in creepy pinocchio. A true full 24hour day. Thats just fucked up. No Regrets though. One thing that i would have done over though. Just one. No need for lecturing. I know.

Have a good nite all!

ttfn, Jiggy

you say youve changed and you want to fix things but just now i realize that you dont even know what ur saying. to want something is completley different then to actually get it. youve started something but youre not quite there yet. when ur having a conversation with someone ur not supposed to have warning bells go off in ur head every few sentences. I dont know. I just dont know anymore. I feel like you lied.

ttfn, Jaryd

do you know what just occured to me as i skimmed over this general time a year ago. Somewhere there is a disposable camera with pictures of someone wrapped in saran wrap. where the hell is that camera?!

Also, it is becoming more and more apparent to me how much things can change over a year. almost to opposite ends. And the worst part is that im not that sad about it. Thats horrible. Or is it? Perhaps its just the way things are meant to be. But it still doesnt seem right. It doesnt seem either, it just is and im not totally sold on the fact that its over. I dont think its over. But theres no sign of it still happening. So what else can i conclude except that its over? or paused indefinatley? One things for sure, im not sitting around waiting like i used to be and i only really think about it when someone else mentions it or when i review this thing. Im impartial to it. It feels weird, but not abnormal. i dont know how to explain it. Ive stopped missing him. i guess im starting to accept the fact that im not gonna have the same friends forever.

ttfn, Jaryd

umm... do you ever just see something/hear something/read something/touch something and your whole heart just sinks like an elevator, slow and steady.


me too.


you there, tomorrow nite, being wednesday, be there.

Hey Homies... So, Ive got a beautiful little neice now! That makes 3! When i said that all of my friends could make the babies cuz i wasnt going to, i was KIDDING. The 4th is on its way though. Apparently no one believes in condoms. I just hope that all of the little ones are taken care of. But i will post a pic of her. Her name is Haylee Jade. (no reference to Eminem needed). She was 6 lbs 13 ounces and 20.5 inches long. ten fingers, ten toes, what more could you ask for?!





ttfn, Aunty Jarebear

PS: im a sucker for sweet dreams...