Note::: This message has been edited today (May 25th) because my friend Anthony Galati made it crystal clear, that i, am slightly special...:::End Note
Heres the thing. At first I was super happy about the events that have transpired lately, but the more i think about it, the more hesitant i am. I would love to say that I am a person who lives in the now and lives each day to the fullest. In truth, I am far from it. When i know someone is leaving or something is ending, i prepare myself. By which i mean i withdraw. From everyone and everything. I dont want it to be like that. It was like that last time and i ruined it because i thought about the day after tomorrow. As opposed to living in that last minute with you. Then my life, as i knew it at that time, ended. It hurt so bad that I would wake up crying. And now im all excited about it happening again. What the fuck is wrong with me? I hate that there is always 2 sides to everything for me. I can never make a decision because both sides seem good. Its always my heart against my mind. Ultimately its a battle, because my brain knows what to do to protect myself emotionally, but my heart is telling me that i need to take chances and live in the moment and open myself up. With all that comes pain, inevitably. Whenever something starts eventually the end will hurt. Even if its just a tiny bit. So I have to ask myself, Why would i succept myself to the injustices of the world, when i could indefinatly live in my own world free of pain? Why? hmm? Well, after the (enter hyperbole here)th time of asking this question, i think ive got it. Or at least a small part of it. It is just another circle in life. If you risk, you will love, then you will hurt, until you risk again. risk love hurt risk love hurt risk love hurt... its a circle... see the circle? If you fall out of that circle then thats when you fall into a spiral of hurt... and only hurt. Well, I dont want to hurt. So now i have a goal, especially for the 3 months coming up. I want to take more risks in my life and maybe there will be more love.
Measure in love...
ttfn, Jaryd
Heres the thing. At first I was super happy about the events that have transpired lately, but the more i think about it, the more hesitant i am. I would love to say that I am a person who lives in the now and lives each day to the fullest. In truth, I am far from it. When i know someone is leaving or something is ending, i prepare myself. By which i mean i withdraw. From everyone and everything. I dont want it to be like that. It was like that last time and i ruined it because i thought about the day after tomorrow. As opposed to living in that last minute with you. Then my life, as i knew it at that time, ended. It hurt so bad that I would wake up crying. And now im all excited about it happening again. What the fuck is wrong with me? I hate that there is always 2 sides to everything for me. I can never make a decision because both sides seem good. Its always my heart against my mind. Ultimately its a battle, because my brain knows what to do to protect myself emotionally, but my heart is telling me that i need to take chances and live in the moment and open myself up. With all that comes pain, inevitably. Whenever something starts eventually the end will hurt. Even if its just a tiny bit. So I have to ask myself, Why would i succept myself to the injustices of the world, when i could indefinatly live in my own world free of pain? Why? hmm? Well, after the (enter hyperbole here)th time of asking this question, i think ive got it. Or at least a small part of it. It is just another circle in life. If you risk, you will love, then you will hurt, until you risk again. risk love hurt risk love hurt risk love hurt... its a circle... see the circle? If you fall out of that circle then thats when you fall into a spiral of hurt... and only hurt. Well, I dont want to hurt. So now i have a goal, especially for the 3 months coming up. I want to take more risks in my life and maybe there will be more love.
Measure in love...
ttfn, Jaryd
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