I hate feeling the way i feel right now. because i dont feel like i know what the fuck is going on or how i should be feeling and reacting and im tired of worring about whos toes i step on or how im supposed to react to anything and mostly im just on a crazy low level just floating through the past few weeks because i dont know anything. i dont know what to say to anyone its always not what i mean or just not correct. im sick of it. im sick of it. heh. i enjoy the fact that no one really reads this anymore and i can just write anything i want and it will always be here to hear me fucking bitch about the same fucking problems over and over again. in all seriousness though. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! yes everything seems to be going well but i have this knot in my stomach. and apparently in my shoulders and in the middle of my back. everywhere there is tension and i cant take it any more and one day someone will ask me how i am and i will say nothing. because i wont be there anymore. i will just walk away and run for some secret destination for however fucking long i feel like it and i will take the battery out of my cell phone and i will curl up on a bed in which ever town i stop in and stay like that till i get all the fucking KNOTS OUT. i need to take better care of myself. i never feel well and it seems like one moment i think im happy and the next its like holy god i hate everything and stop talking or i will cry. i hate it. perhaps instead of running i will lay under my egyptian cotton duvet until everything melts into togetherness. you cant save me.